Four Months in Our New Home - Missing Normalcy

On April 2nd - the day before my 29th birthday - we had been here for four months. Briefly, we've gone through some emotional phases with each passing month:
1st Month: Elation, honeymoon-phase with Dublin and Ireland as a whole
2nd Month: Observing some things we didn't like about Dublin.
3rd Month: Somewhere in between. Month 3 flew past us.
4th Month: Depression.
That may be a bit drastic but overall, we felt a sort of melancholy throughout the fourth month. We have been dealing with "the green card fiasco" (see previous posts) for Wayne and that has really taken a lot out of us. It has been highly stressful and this feeling of "depression" was largely due to this. We have had many a tear-filled conversation about whether we should just quit this whole thing and go back to Seattle (because the immigration piece is all just so expensive) or whether we have made the right choice in all of this. Poor Wayne spent a lot of time feeling really guilty and sad.
We prepared for the reality of homesickness, missing family and the stress the Ph.D. would put on our family. We knew those were factors and we have been pretty active in dealing with them. One thing we hadn't prepared for was the possibility that Homeland Security could throw us for such a loop; it's just shifted everything out of perspective for us.

 Norah, though, can always see things clearly. bahaha!

Mainly, this last month, we've been missing the familiarity of Home. Back in Seattle, we had a great condo, TWO cars, a dryer and a hot water heater. We left a lot to come here. Not "stuff" of course but the comfort of our home, the possibility of having another child sooner, our friends, our family, etc. etc. etc. We thought this through, of course, but maybe it's not until 4 months in that you can understand the gravity of it.
One simple thing we've put our finger on is not having a car. We've been powering through this issue because we're sticking to a very strict budget but we've learned that having a car means so much more than convenience. It means normalcy. And when you have a car you have ultimate freedom - and that freedom permeates how you are in your surroundings. If we know we can take a leisurely drive on a Saturday and explore an area just outside Dublin - we relate to our weekend differently. If I can load Norah into the car and find a park one day we can quickly 'do groceries' on the way home. Instead, 'doing groceries' is a half-day activity and that is our outing for the day. Getting to a friends' house can take nearly 2 hours via the bus, even though they live 20 minutes from our door. There is something about getting into your own vehicle, on your own time schedule and going where you please that is freeing for your soul! I kid you not. And we've learned that the lack of that - the inverse - is a bit confining for your soul. Of course, these drawbacks will not kill us and we can certainly survive not having a car - it's just something we've noticed lately.

Norah in her Easter "Hat" - love the label hanging. This is one classy little lady. Auntie Mimi even sent her white gloves to match. Ok, back to the story:

 

I am also not allowed to work. I was offered a job here as a research assistant for the University and could not take it as they stamped in my passport that I am not allowed to work. I looked into getting a work visa to skirt this issue but it was a no-go. So, that is also a bit constricting - to know that I am bound by that stamp. I had hoped to contribute something (monetarily) - to take some stress off Wayne - but that won't be happening. The upside to this job though, was that it was offered through our friend Mimi, and she was just as happy to have Wayne do the work. So for the next 6 weeks, he has steady part-time work.
So, what it comes down to, I have realized, is that I feel like I'm living "in limbo" for the next 3 - 4 years. It's not as if we just transferred the normal life we had in Seattle, over here. At home we had cars, we had jobs (or I had the possibility of work), and we liked our condo - it was comfortable. So, not only did we move across the world, we completely changed our lifestyle. That's been the big adjustment and I think that's what we're mourning right now - the normalcy of life that all our friends & family seem to have. (except for Vickie and Pete and Trysh, you lucky ducks, you're in our same boat!) =)
Of course, I hope it goes without saying that there are HUGE rewards to being where we are. We are so ridiculously blessed to be doing this and we discuss that, still, on a daily basis. That is not lost on us. But, we've been in one of those phases where we're missing "normal" life with cars...with a house...with a yard and two kids. Maybe even just a dishwasher or a dryer... Or water that turned on without the deafening drum of a water pump accompanying it. It's the little things that I miss... And the little things that we so take for granted back in the States. For the rest of my life I'll have a new appreciation for American appliances and water pressure.
I'm sure next month will bring with it another feeling and another phase. We're hangin' in there. Don't get me wrong, our happy moments far out number the times we're discussing these things. Even as I type this, as we move into month five, we've shifted to a different place. Now we're looking forward to family visiting in May, to going back to Seattle in June (we hope) and to the "summer" weather in Dublin!