We are now in week two of school for Norah - her second year of Montessori here in Dublin - and really back into the daily routine. It's funny, as a child, you dread the end of summer because it means "back to school", but when you're the parent of a small child (children), you can't WAIT for the end of summer because it means.... "back to school". Humans are fickle. Well, it's September 9th and I'm still blissfully in this "loving the school routine" phase.
We get up at about 6:45, do the whole morning routine and leave the house by 8:30. Then, I load Norah up in the bike trailer and ride to her school (really fun, but quite the ordeal). This involves, getting myself and Norah out of the apartment with my frightfully heavy clunker of a used bike. Usually at least five minutes are spent asking Norah to get her shoes on, why her socks disappeared and discussing which hair clips she will allow in her hair. Then, squashed into the elevator, it's down to the garage for the 10 minute process of getting the chariot out of the bike locker and getting it hooked up. Sweat begins. The actual ride to school is a cinch. And while it's not simple, I'm proud to be motoring around on my bike, using nothing but my muscles to cart my kid around. Sure, in a perfect world I'd have a car for the rainy days too but I really can't complain. Norah though, has been phenomenal. Not once has she protested, or given me a hard time. She always waits patiently and helps me with each step.
Anyway, enough about all that, what I really want to update on is that fact that we have plans for the end of this Ph.D. - for wrapping up our nearly 3 years in Ireland and moving back to Seattle. (where we'll be after that, nobody knows) This whole process of deciding when to go, how long we can afford to stay, and what jobs are available - has been endlessly stressful. This summer I also reached a bit of an existential funk over being home full-time (mostly due to the fact that I'm not allowed to work here). Now that Norah's four, she requires, and deserves, a lot but living here with no car and a very tight budget meant we couldn't really put her in any summer activities. As a baby she didn't require much above taking her to parks, and play-dates and just being present. When they get to be 3/4, they really need activities and sports but in Dublin those are pricey and usually require driving. This translated into really long days and Norah was just plain under-stimulated (and so was her mother). Many days I called Wayne and begged him to come home early or just texted, "I quit. Please come home." I should say, this was mostly just August as we had wonderful family trips in June and July that made those months fly past.
I knew, when we 'signed up for this' that my job was going to be staying home full time. Well, I should say, once we arrived here, we were told I couldn't work, and then I knew that would be my role. The original hope was that I would work part time as a therapist while Wayne focused on school. Instead, it is 4 years since my last day of work, and I haven't worked a single day since. This was not our plan at all. On good days, I focus on what I can do for Norah, feel like a super-duper housekeeper/cook/admin., and find myself so thankful this is my life. Norah is the most incredible 4 year old human (I mean, really a remarkable child) and I get to spend every day with her?? Truly, it is the best thing on earth. Most days I cannot stop telling Norah how much I love her and that I'm so thankful I get to spend my days with her. Those days certainly outnumber the bad, by far. But still, on the bad days I think I can't hang another single load of laundry, or watch our bank account dwindle for one more day, or stand around at one more playground watching Norah play. Once school begins again, those days don't seem to happen anymore but over the summer, they were drowning out the great days.
But you know what I'm very slowly coming to accept?? (this is going to sound inane and shockingly simple but I'm serious) I'm learning that nothing at all changes in my circumstance, from day-to-day; only my thoughts shift. And that makes all the difference. One day I can be flat-out depressed over how little I've done in this world and how I haven't earned a single dollar in four years, and the next day I can be bouncing around with all this hope for the long career I have ahead of me - the great humanitarian/social-justice work I plan to unleash on the worrrrld!
But on these bad days, I'm learning to tell those thoughts to 'shush' for a little while because I know... tomorrow, (often later that same DAY) what seemed overwhelming may not even be a concern anymore. That's the ludicrous piece. I guess the point is, I'm learning to give myself a little grace. To be kind to myself. This is an oft-used phrase nowadays but I'm not kidding, if there was one single thing I need to learn in my years left on earth - it is to speak more kindly to myself.
I still battle with this, daily, but the voice in my head that reminds me how fickle my thoughts can be is starting to be the voice I trust the most. Maybe in a few years, those mean voices - the ones that nag and say I'm not doing enough, not working hard enough - maybe those will quiet down and the voice that has perspective on the fluidity of circumstance, will be the loudest of all. (Does anyone else have these same voices? Or am I actually bonkers?)
I knew, when we 'signed up for this' that my job was going to be staying home full time. Well, I should say, once we arrived here, we were told I couldn't work, and then I knew that would be my role. The original hope was that I would work part time as a therapist while Wayne focused on school. Instead, it is 4 years since my last day of work, and I haven't worked a single day since. This was not our plan at all. On good days, I focus on what I can do for Norah, feel like a super-duper housekeeper/cook/admin., and find myself so thankful this is my life. Norah is the most incredible 4 year old human (I mean, really a remarkable child) and I get to spend every day with her?? Truly, it is the best thing on earth. Most days I cannot stop telling Norah how much I love her and that I'm so thankful I get to spend my days with her. Those days certainly outnumber the bad, by far. But still, on the bad days I think I can't hang another single load of laundry, or watch our bank account dwindle for one more day, or stand around at one more playground watching Norah play. Once school begins again, those days don't seem to happen anymore but over the summer, they were drowning out the great days.
But you know what I'm very slowly coming to accept?? (this is going to sound inane and shockingly simple but I'm serious) I'm learning that nothing at all changes in my circumstance, from day-to-day; only my thoughts shift. And that makes all the difference. One day I can be flat-out depressed over how little I've done in this world and how I haven't earned a single dollar in four years, and the next day I can be bouncing around with all this hope for the long career I have ahead of me - the great humanitarian/social-justice work I plan to unleash on the worrrrld!
But on these bad days, I'm learning to tell those thoughts to 'shush' for a little while because I know... tomorrow, (often later that same DAY) what seemed overwhelming may not even be a concern anymore. That's the ludicrous piece. I guess the point is, I'm learning to give myself a little grace. To be kind to myself. This is an oft-used phrase nowadays but I'm not kidding, if there was one single thing I need to learn in my years left on earth - it is to speak more kindly to myself.
I still battle with this, daily, but the voice in my head that reminds me how fickle my thoughts can be is starting to be the voice I trust the most. Maybe in a few years, those mean voices - the ones that nag and say I'm not doing enough, not working hard enough - maybe those will quiet down and the voice that has perspective on the fluidity of circumstance, will be the loudest of all. (Does anyone else have these same voices? Or am I actually bonkers?)
And, to give you the actual update I mentioned before my winding tirade: The latest plan is that Wayne will turn in his Ph.D. on January 16th - and then the University has 12 weeks (max) to schedule the panel interview which actually affords him his doctorate. This is the most stressful thing an academic ever goes through - this panel of professors who grill you for several hours on every aspect of your dissertation. So, that could be in March, or it could be the first week in April. Therefore, our plan as of right this minute is to be back in Seattle prior to Tax Day, 2015. April 15th. I will keep you posted.
Also, Wayne has been ramping up his running training for the Dublin Marathon (we're trading off marathon training and child-duty and now it's his turn). This will be October 27th (my mother's birthday). This last weekend, Wayne easily completed his longest run yet - 18 miles/30Km with some of our running friends. He genuinely enjoyed it all and had no residual soreness. He's a natural and it's been so fun watching him train and race while I'm on the sidelines for a change.
I shall leave you now, with some lovely pictures of Holland. One day, perhaps in late 2015, I shall be finished posting photos of our July 2014 trip to Holland.
Also, Wayne has been ramping up his running training for the Dublin Marathon (we're trading off marathon training and child-duty and now it's his turn). This will be October 27th (my mother's birthday). This last weekend, Wayne easily completed his longest run yet - 18 miles/30Km with some of our running friends. He genuinely enjoyed it all and had no residual soreness. He's a natural and it's been so fun watching him train and race while I'm on the sidelines for a change.
I shall leave you now, with some lovely pictures of Holland. One day, perhaps in late 2015, I shall be finished posting photos of our July 2014 trip to Holland.
The town of Sneek (Snake)
Mm....A "Bami", out of a food-machine from 1991. Yes, I'll have two.
Do you remember these machines?? Well, apparently they still exist - they're all in Holland!
Does Coke do this ad-campaign thing in the States and Canada? Well, here it's their campaign and they're all Irish names - Paddy, Siobhan, Sinead, Aoife, Cliona, Dermot, Declan, etc. etc. Well, I had to giggle in a shop in Holland where they're "Arjen, Joel, Siem, Wesley, Stijn, and Ruben" hahaha! Coke really did their research. Would love to see the bottles in China, or Poland, or Turkemenistan.
From upstairs, looking down at the canal.
No, I can't wait until we get home. And yes, I know it's not sliced.
We talked to this fruit-seller for a long time. She was from British Columbia - lived there her whole life, met her husband (Dutch) and has now lived in this small village for 30 years! She had this really thick Canadian accent still, too. She was great.
I saw this in a store window - tell me that's not the most genius pillow you've ever seen! Oh mannn! I want one of these so bad. And that mattress, don't know if you can see but it's beautiful. It's basically dark grey tweed-type fabric, all along the outside, so even if part of the mattress or box-spring is showing, it looks nice. In fact you wouldn't even WANT to cover that up. The Dutch win again.
The bridge was up, so here's the back-up, waiting to cross. 60% bikes, 30% walkers, 10% cars.
Wayne thought this was hilarious - a teeny tiny toilet with a teeny door for little kids.
Kinder WC (Toilets)
"Ladies, you going to have to stop eating our samples"
A Droppie Store (candy store with different types of black licorice)
Nana got Norah some new boots as an early Christmas present!
Rummikub (with wine) is really, really fun.
Cartoons with her Pake - these two are inseparable.
So much NORAH in this photo!
All the books in Dutch.
I walked in to see this sight!
"Yummy Pharmaceuticals that will please you"
Treats: Solicit Favors, Cement Relationships, Bribe Important People (would love to have this on my desk someday)
Ohhhhh how I covet this bike! I could never fall over on this bike!
This kid.
The first time Wilma has gotten Rick to play a game! It was so fun. This was our last rummikub tournament on the trip. We did these every night. We laughed so hard some nights, Wilma had to run to the bathroom so she didn't pee in her pants. hahaha! We had a ball!
1 comment:
Oh my goodness! The picture of the Dutch children's books..I have "Hondje Eigenuijs" (with the spotted dog on it), but in English. Had it as a child and it is now sitting in the boys bedroom in my house! Awesome! Thanks for the pictures...wonderful to see!!
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